I managed to take some pictures, because,inside me, I knew that was the last time. I had thoughts about "I wonder if i'll ever get to see a sight like this again". Inside my head, I felt like I knew that was the last time. March was here, and the last time i went out with my friends came along. I knew it would eventually arrive here, so through all summer i told my mother "it's only a matter of time." I knew it'd come. They started talking about it since the start, in december, obviously, because they are way closer to where the virus started so it spread faster there. This was march, and at my house, we watched a Japanese channel (because we are all interested in Japanese culture and such) So I knew the coronavirus was coming. We appointed a session to talk about that.
I never really wanted to inform myself more because deep within me I was just afraid I'd never be able to get it and get my hopes up for nothing. I was making progress in other aspects as well,having come out formally recently and with help from my psychologist, we were going to start looking into hrt, and i just couldn't believe it. Things were moving forward, and altough i felt afraid of the future, I was working on it all. A lil tween reached out to me and told me he thought I was really cool and was my fan. My posts started getting 70 likes on average and 7-10 comments, i only had 500 followers but they were growing at an average of 20 followers/month.
I posted frequently on ig (bc i went out frequently) and even though i wasn't anyone big, no partnerships or anything, not even 1k followers, I was growing, and having been intoxicated by fame at age 12, it was just what I needed. At that point in time, I was finally living the dream. I never got to post them, because my downfall came soon after. My friend and I took pictures, my cousin didn't want hers taken but we still interacted a lot and had fun, I loved the pics of that day.
I went with one friends and my cousin and we had fun. At some point, there was a light festival as well. I was doing my best everytime we went out to look presentable in the pictures, and I did well 9/10 times. I felt that, as a pre-hrt person, I was looking as masc as I could while doing the style that makes me comfortable and I want to achieve. Binder, thick under-eye red/black liner, just the perfect e-boy look i wanted.
I didn't particularly like myself, I never did ,but I was too busy to think about it. I was trying my best, and another friend who always took pictures of us (we took pics of him as well dw) documented all of those moments, i even used a not-permanent spray color hair for that day just so the pictures could be special.
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